i thought i would begin our public correspondence by showing you part of a letter i never sent. those are sometimes interesting.
"In Everything is Illuminated there was this quote about love:
'He knew that I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you and also I love you in a way that no one loves you or has loved you, or will love you and also I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else.'
I know everyone (probably) has to create their own definition of love, but that one seems like such a good one that I felt like I should pay attention to it. I don't know. It made me think of you and wonder if I have ever said or could ever say I love you and mean it like that except when I've said it to you. I've been really scared lately that most of the things I've done have been mistakes and that I always speak too soon or not soon enough. I think this is one of those times when I am speaking too soon and not soon enough at the same time--like I either should have known and said this awhile ago or I shouldn't say it until I've sorted it out. But I also think maybe it's not that serious. I can't tell. I feel oddly as if I am going insane and also am becoming sane simultaneously...."
'He knew that I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you and also I love you in a way that no one loves you or has loved you, or will love you and also I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else.'
I know everyone (probably) has to create their own definition of love, but that one seems like such a good one that I felt like I should pay attention to it. I don't know. It made me think of you and wonder if I have ever said or could ever say I love you and mean it like that except when I've said it to you. I've been really scared lately that most of the things I've done have been mistakes and that I always speak too soon or not soon enough. I think this is one of those times when I am speaking too soon and not soon enough at the same time--like I either should have known and said this awhile ago or I shouldn't say it until I've sorted it out. But I also think maybe it's not that serious. I can't tell. I feel oddly as if I am going insane and also am becoming sane simultaneously...."
perhaps that was a little heavy for my first post. next time, i'll stray on the lighter side. did you realize our names spell out ME? obviously, this means that we've become one. now i want to sing 2 become 1 by the spice girls. is that so wrong?
love, E.
p.s. here's another quote i really liked from the same book that i think you will like: "with writing, we have second chances."
1 comment:
Dear E,
Geeze. I feel like I could have written that one myself. Lately, especially since the break up with T, I've been wondering: sometimes it's hard to know if you love someone or just love being WITH someone. You know? And, should you say it even if the other person doesn't feel that way? Like, would it be wildly inappropriate for me to... say, drunk dial and profess my feelings to someone that I broke up with and has since moved on?
Well, maybe I should think about that one some more. hah.
I wish there was a pill we could take to make us stop thinking about someone. My life would certainly be less depressing.
Love, M
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